This is your eighth birthday I am celebrating without you.
Things have improved except the time around your birthday, that’s when it gets tough.
I keep including you in my conversations
You are the only thing which is currently on my mind
The image of you laughing your ass off is crisp at the back of my mind
What is scaring me is that I can’t hear your laughter anymore
It’s like a video which has no audio
And that’s making me lose my mind
Like I am losing fragments of you.
This induces another panic attack,
I struggle hard to hold onto you
But you are always a few millimetres away from my grasp.
With your mischievous eyes, sparkling with humour
You laugh again,
Ask me to chase you.
But I keep trying to hear your laughter,
And all I can see is your lips moving.
Sometimes I wonder, if I even remember the sound of your voice correctly
What if I hear your voice again and I fail to recognise you!
Thinking about it sends chills down my spine.
I told my friend about you.
He said, think about the happy parts
Focus on the positives
But I don’t know how to do that.
You are one of the happy parts of my life
Yet I can’t even honour your memories.
I had a dream last night,
We were playing hide and seek like we used to
But I couldn’t find you
I even admitted my defeat but
You never came back.
The days around your birthday are the hardest,
Everything is a reminder of how you are not here.
How I won’t get to talk to you ever again.
How I can’t hold you again.
How I won’t hear your voice
But, I am thankful for the time we had together,
I hold those memories closest to my heart.
I love you.
And I will keep loving you,
Until we meet again.
Happy birthday to you.
Your Sappy Bestfriend.
Hey, please keep my bestfriend in your prayers, today. May she be happy wherever she is. Thank you for reading.
Photo by Adi Goldstein