You just know when it’s one of those nights.
The rough kind.
But you still lay in the bed, changing positions every few seconds, flipping the pillow to the cooler side every second and kicking your blanket away. You switch the lights on, cover yourself up with the blanket, sit up in the bed with the blanket over your head. You switch the lights off, walk across your room, randomly stopping and sitting on the floor.
While you are doing all this, you are still trying to convince yourself that it is not one of those nights.
For the thousandth time, you go back to your bed and try to sleep. You beg your brain to stop thinking, but you know better than that. You get into your head, even deeper. You begin contemplating everything, every single thing.
You sit up straight, again and start the breathing exercises, even though you know it’s pointless.
You walk through your room, drink a glass of water and splatter your face with the cold water. All this while your brain is counting everything that is wrong with your life.
You think maybe talking to someone will help, but it’s 2:45 in the morning, a time when most of the people are asleep. You still try. You ask your friend if she is awake, you ask your other friend and then you ask another friend, hoping for a miracle. But no luck.
At this point, you are so deep into it that you can’t help but accept it and let it pass. It engulfs you, reaches your throat and you feel even sicker. There are a billion thoughts floating in your mind and not even a single one of them has a hint of happiness to it.
You hate the helplessness, you hate how it’s making you feel. You want to stick fingers down your throat just to vomit out all the negative thoughts, you wish you were feeling better.
So, you sit on the fluffy rug by your bed, stare at the dark spot on the wall in front of you which has a mirror and keep chanting “it’s alright” to yourself.
It passes away, the sun comes up the next morning and you feel okay again. Only remains of the last night are the memories, you don’t focus on them. You look into your reflection in the mirror and smile at yourself, your real smile. Because you have nothing to be ashamed of, you are proud of yourself and you got through it well.
Because you are a WARRIOR!
Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy